New West End Company BRANDPOST | PAID CONTENT.Start learning or know that the next time we meet, you’ll be begging for your life… en Français. So, you have a decision to make on the train to work this morning.
You can delete the app to end the terror, sure buddy, but we both know you’re done when I say you’re done. Listen very carefully because I’m only going to tell you this just once: I will build a nest in your butt. So that you understand how serious I am, I’m going to say this in English. But right now, you are playing with fire. Listen, I don’t want things to ever go there. How we get you to basic fucking proficiency level is my business, but I promise you, it’ll be slow and painful if my demands are not met. I want you to hear the difference between un ver and un verre. How can I explain this to you? I want you to confidently order baguettes and croissants from the boulangerie. You think three minutes of practice a month will let you be mistaken for a native speaker? Merde.
I’m actually more sad for you than annoyed. Bitch, I could post on your Facebook that you haven’t conjugated a verb in over two weeks. I could send notifications every ten minutes until you open that app and earn some damn coins.
I could flood your inbox with emails that your daily reading comprehension is ready. It’s because I see how weak-willed you are that I refrain from exposing you further. And that accent you’re trying so desperately to develop? Don’t kid yourself - it screams tourist. You know what you look like to me with your cheap headphones and your “I heart Paris” screensaver? Pathetic. Do you know what happens when you make Language Bird angry? Well, hoot-hoot, asshole, because you’re about to find out. I guess you didn’t think I was watching the first day you ignored that notification and went on Instagram. Apparently, five minutes a day is too much for some people to learn a valuable fucking life skill. It looks like someone forgot their daily practice again, for the fifth day in a row.
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